Hello there :)
I currently live in Kentucky but the past 8 years of my life were spent in Oregon
Im head over heels in love with a girl names maddy so im taken :)
TV: i like house and bones, the l word, dexter
Artist; i listen to pretty much everything. along the lines of bands i love Taking Back Sunday
Random fact: uhhherruhmm i can do the splits, and lick my elbow!
Hello Shelby as for me: Name: Leila Age: 22 Orientation: lesbian I currently like in Omaha, Nebraska and have been here my whole life. I am very much taken as well and have fallen in love with an amazing woman named Britt :)
TV: I like Flight of the Conchords, GLEE, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Vampire Diaries, True Blood, Greys Anatomy, Black Books, The L Word, and Futurama. Artist: I listen to pretty much everything. I have always loved Modest Mouse and Kings of Leon, I also really like Taking Back Sunday, Saves The Day, Thrice, Lykke Li, King Charles, The Asteroid Galaxy Tour, Atmosphere, Atreyu, Battles, The Beatles, Bob Marley, and blink-182 to name a few lol.
Random fact: well….I’m not gonna like I really find farts and burps funny. I am the girl who laughs every single time.
“My Dearest Allie. I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it’s over between us. I’m not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I’ll be seeing you. Noah”— Noah (from the movie, The Notebook)
I can say i know what this feels like…well I know what the "The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever." part…and I do love her and I will be seeing her :) ♥
“Dear Republicans: The military is not the place for social experimentation. Quit experimenting with the failed notion that gay people don’t exist. We’re in society and we’re in the military. Your filibuster yesterday was foolish. You’re embarrassing yourselves.”—Rich Merritt (via queerwatch)
It’s crunch time. Senate majority leader Harry Reid has scheduled a vote on “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” for next week.
If we win this, it will be a victory years in the making – but make no mistake about it: this is not a done deal and the threat of a filibuster from Sen. John McCain looms large.
Because of Sen. McCain’s pledge to block the vote from even happening, now is the time for every single person who supports the repeal to speak out.
Swing senators are making up their minds as we speak. But it’s just as important that lawmakers who are already on our side hear from us so they know they have the political support to go to the mat on this issue. This is a 100-senator strategy, and we need your help to make it work.
Though public opinion and top military leaders are with us, repeal is absolutely not a sure thing.
The right wing is making hysterical claims that allowing lesbians and gays to serve openly in the military will increase sexual assault and “undermine the religious liberties” of military chaplains. They are mobilizing their activists and putting intense pressure on senators.
And because John McCain and his cronies have threatened to filibuster the bill, the hurdle is even higher – we’ll need 60 votes to succeed.
So many times in the past, when we’ve been on the doorstep of progress – on hate crimes, on employment non-discrimination, on marriage equality – they have had a trick up their sleeves. Whether it’s last-minute legislative maneuvers or “poison-pill” amendments, they can and will do everything in their power to derail progress.
That’s why we need your voice more than ever. Will you take a moment to email the Senate?
After you take action, please send to ten friends and share on facebook
“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is a travesty, plain and simple. It doesn’t just violate basic principles of fairness and equality; it undermines our national security. At a time when we are fighting two wars, America can’t afford to be turning away soldiers, translators, analysts, engineers, doctors, or officers…
We’re on the precipice of a history-making moment, a landmark in the struggle for civil rights. So much is riding on this vote. Thank you for your unflagging support.
I need my best friend right now. I feel like I’m so alone and I just don’t know anymore.
I hear Cyndi in my head telling me that I’m just an ugly mistake and that I will amount to nothing. It doesn’t help that I feel like I have done nothing with my life but screw up time and time again. Everyone that has ever supposed to be there for me and that I was supposed to be able to trust has left me and hurt me. So it’s hard for me to open up and trust people and I’m so scared because I trust her completely and I just don’t want to get hurt again. I feel so vulnerable and I don’t like this feeling.
When my little brother was born I was 4 years old. I raised him, to the best of a 4 year olds ability. I went without food to make sure he had food. I have been looking after him ever since but I can’t do it anymore. I can’t even take care of myself and I can’t take care of him. I love him and I wish I could but I just can’t handle it right now. He is bipolar and he reminds me of Cyndi so much. He is off his medcicine right now and his behavior is exactly like Cyndi. When I see him like this I remember the look in her eye when I was trying to learn my abc’s and I said p was q…she was so angry she filled the kitchen sink with water and held my head under the water until I almost blacked out and then threw me into the wall and told me I better get it right next time…or the time when I came home and she was sitting on the toilet taking my toy chest apart and she was crying I asked her what she was doing to my toy chest and she told me I didn’t use it so I didn’t need it anyways…when she used to lock me out of the house and I had no way of getting back in the house, she would do it rain or shine, and even when it was snowing out and sometimes all I would have on was a t-shirt. I hate that woman so much. I have tried to get rid of that hate because I don’t like hate but I can’t.
I’m sorry this is really deep…I just don’t know who to talk to. My brother has been pretty much missing since he turned 18 on August 17th. He has not contacted me at all except for one time when he called me at 5:30am which of course I was not happy about and we didn’t talk for more than a minute because I was sleeping. He e-mailed my sister twice since he has been out but not really telling us anything. Well he showed up out of nowhere today. He got dropped off and I don’t know what he expected. I feel bad but I told him when he left Clarinda that if he didn’t move in then that I wasn’t going to help him because we told him all the options and I can’t go back on my word. I have done that so many times with my sister Ariana. She just kept coming back every time that she fell down and had nowhere to go and I helped her every single time and it never changed. She kept going back and making the same mistakes and coming back to me to get help when she needed it. I can’t do it anymore. Seeing him and the look in his eyes brought back so many memories that I just don’t want to remember. I wish I could erase it all.
Add that to how I was already having all my insecurities rise because I’m so in love and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, even though it hasn’t been long at all…I know she is the one…and that scares me more than anything. I have only really had two people in my whole life who have stuck by my side and not hurt me and abandoned me. Cyndi - my biological mom - as you can tell was not a great mom. You are supposed to feel safe with your family. They are supposed to be the ones that are always there. Yes, there are hard times and you may not get along with your family but they are always there. She abused me (in every way possible) and then left me. She only pops up every now and then when she chooses. I don’t have a dad…Cyndi has no clue who he is. I was in close to 20 different placements from the age of 5 to the age of 7. At the age of 7 I joined the Fichter’s family. At the age of 11 the Fichter’s tried getting Guardianship of my little brother and I. Well, I was happy about this because at this time it was the longest I had stayed in one place and I considered these people to be my family. Well they had to exhaust all family members to get Guardianship of us. Well Cyndi by this point was out of the picture, she wasn’t showing up to any of the family visitations and she didn’t care about us, I don’t have a father, and so that left my little brothers dad. Well, he would get money if he had Jon and the state wouldn’t split us up so he would get more money for the both of us so we went to Missouri to live with him for and we were there for a year and a half and in that year and a half we went to 3 foster homes so they brought us back to the Fichter’s. I was so happy because that was my family. I stayed there until I was 18 but as I got older I learned more and more things about them. They basically bought me for their daughter. Their daughter wanted a little sister so that is why I was there. I basically turned into a Jennifer mini me and I was tired of being someone I wasn’t. It took me a very long time but I finally got away from them. But I was with them from the age of 7 until I was 18, and they were just another person who used me and hurt me.
I have a hard time trusting. It’s hard for me to open up to people. It’s easy for me to talk about my problems on here because well I don’t really know anyone and it’s easier for me to write about my problems.
I’m such an emotional mess today. I am struggeling with stupid fears that aren’t even relevent, I am batteling with ghosts, and conflictions on what to do with my brother, and I miss her more than anything and all I want more than anything is to hear her voice and have her hold me but at the same time I don’t want her to see me like this. I can’t stop bawling and I’m such a mess.
I need my best friend, I don’t know what to do or how to handle all the emotions that I have.
I woke-up to ‘Love Lust’ by King Charles…I guess last night I changed what song to wake-up to. I went to the bar last night and had an amazing time with my best friends however I spent way too much money and I still feel a tad bit tipsy and I have to work a 9 hour day with 2 year olds and then go on like a 6 hour drive for a camping trip when I get off of work. On top of that I can’t get the taste of bacon or onion rings out of my mouth…its disgusting. 'Wild Pack of Family Dogs' by Modest Mouse is a great song! Just sayin. Everyone have an awesome Friday! :)
I did not want to get up and come to work today. I feel like it’s going to be a really long day. I was early, for the third day in a row. I was able to mail out my letters to her this morning. I wonder if she has gotten mine yet. I feel like it’s all too good to be true and I’m waiting to wake-up from this dream. I love her so much and I think it’s crazy how fast I fell for her. I am completely happy. There is a website I can go to, to see pictures of her at basic through facebook…in order to see these pictures I have to add them as a friend which gives them full access to my profile and i dont know if thats such a good idea. i doubt they would look through my profile but i dont really want to take any chances. i cant wait until she comes home :)
What makes it your favorite? Is it the location? The people? The decor?
I’m just doing a little research :)
Please reblog if you want, I want as much feedback as possible.
I love how small it is. It isn’t much and the inside, to me, reminds me of some hole in a wall type of place. But when the music is going and everyone is rocking out to whomever is playing the atmosphere is amazing. Everyone just falls together and I have never really had a bad experience there. Well, there was one time when I almost passed out because I was really hot and couldn’t breathe but everyone was really nice and did there best to get me out of the situation as soon as they saw what was going on. I just love the environment so much.
I seriously need to find a way to be able to go to Lawton, OK from November 11th to November 13th. I found a package deal through expedia and if I go with Holiday Inn & Express it is $558 for airfare, hotel, and a car. I found out I CAN rent a car I just have to pay an extra charge for not being 25. So gay! But, at least I can rent a car! So there is that package deal and it takes me directly from Omaha, NE to Lawton, OK or I can leave here (Omaha, NE) and fly to Oklahoma City, OK with one stop and then rent a car from Oklahoma City and drive to Lawton which is like an hour drive and that is all around $600 and I would have to use more gas obviously driving from Oklahoma City to Lawton. Or I could rent a car from here and drive to Lawton, OK which is a 9 hour drive. The car rental for the three days would be $200 plus gas and I would still have to find a hotel room and the cheapest one that I found is around $200 for the two nights I will be there so that is $400…plus gas. So…no matter what I’m looking at around $600….ouch.
But I want to see her so I will do anything to make it happen. I think expedia may be the best route though….I get lost VERY easily. It’s been really hard not being able to talk to her. I get letters which really help and make me smile. I hope everything is going well at basic. I love her. Also…when I say anything there are limitations so I guess I should rephrase that to almost anything. I won’t do anything that is illegal or indecent.
Okay but I REALLY need to go to bed. Goodnight everyone. I have a bunch of pictures I want to post but it’s too late right now because I still need to load them to my computer and I really want to mess with the colors. I was going to do it tonight but then I started looking up trip information and writing her. But tomorrow I will get it all up here :)
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”—1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (via thediarists)
I got 3 letters yesterday :) they made me SO happy. I miss her like crazy. I can’t wait for the next time I get to talk to her on the phone. I’m really sad though because I was going to take a road trip to Ft. Sill, OK to watch her graduate but my sister & brother-in-law can’t make it so now I’m looking at plane tickets but tickets are so expensive and it lands in Oklahoma City so I still have to find a way to Ft. Sill. I really hope that I can figure something out. I really want to be there for her. I love her so much and I can’t wait until she comes back home and then I’ll be able to hold her and see her everyday :) I love her so friggin much!
A continuation to what I added to the picture a few posts before this…
There are Christians out there who are accepting and very open but my “family” was not accepting at all and there were a lot of other things that was going on as to why I quit talking to them. It wasn’t because I am gay. They are the type of people that would of course chastize me but they would then ignore the fact that I am gay and not acknowledge it. It’s all very confusing and way too much to get into and it was me who quit talking to them. For me they just caused a lot of hardships and stress and that family is just filled with drama. I hate drama and if there is anyone who starts drama in my life I pretty much immediately cut them out of my life. I love my family and they will always be a part of me but it was I who decided to cut them out of my life.
I am a spiritual person and to be honest I don’t think any religion is right or wrong. I believe that every religion is based on the same principles and just altered to fit the different cultures. I don’t claim to be a part of any religion I just take bits and pieces of things that I agree with out of each one and make it my own.