A Day In The Life

This year has been something else. It has had a lot of ups and a lot of downs. I don’t hold any regrets. I have grown as a person and I have learned from my mistakes.

Well, there is one thing I regret and that’s how things ended up with someone who has always been there for me. We don’t really talk anymore and in the beginning it didn’t bother me too much because I was angry. I was angry about a lot of things so I was just kind of numb. There was a lot going on around me and even though I read her posts and it just fueled my anger because I didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong…at least I was doing what she was claiming I was doing…I was wrong for not talking to my best friend and letting her know what I was feeling and what was going on…but I really didn’t know what was going on and I didn’t understand my feelings. It was almost like everything was falling apart and I was hurting in so many ways that I instantly went to a place where I just didn’t care about anything or anyone because everyone kept hurting me. It wasn’t fair to her for me to act the way I was and for that, I apologize.

I am not perfect and I don’t claim to be, I will continue to make mistakes, and I will probably always shut down when it seems like everything is falling apart. But I don’t want to push people away.

I hope that with this new year I can continue to let go of the anger and hurt and keep growing as an individual. I hope that I can continue to strengthen my mind and body.

I’m going to get off this computer now because it has taken up too much of my time these last two days already and I’m going to go exercise and then relax and read my book and then bring in the new year with a bottle of Merlot. I was so excited for this bottle of wine lol. I find it quite sad that I get so excited by wine.

Happy New Year everyone. I’m looking forward to the adventures this new year will bring.


♥♥♥ Leila

                     You may not be her first, her last, or her only.
                             She loved before she may love again.
                      But if she loves you now, what else matters?
                                She’s not perfect, you aren’t either,
                and the two of you may never be perfect together
               but if she can make you laugh, cause you think twice,
                 and admit to being human and making mistakes, 
                   hold onto her and give her the most you can.
                           She may not be thinking about you
          every second of the day, but she will give you a part of
                       her that she knows you can break her heart.
                  So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze  
                           and don’t expect more than she can give.
                                Smile when she makes you happy, 
                          let her know when she makes you mad,
                              and miss her when she’s not there. 
                                                                                      -Bob Marley.

The cold sting of your whispered lies
Have left their last incisions
On my beating heart
These eyes shed no more tears
My brain no longer holds thoughts of you
You’ve left your mark
My heart still beats
But no longer beats for you
I’m not claiming to be over you, no…
My feelings were real and true
No matter how false your feelings were
Mine were real
So no…I’m not over you…
But I am letting go
I am letting go of you
Because the you I knew is no longer there
Or maybe I never really knew you
I saw the you I wanted you to be
But you are not that person
I saw the you, you could potentially be
But that is not the real you
So Goodbye
I wish you all the best
May you actually find happiness
And no longer speak lies to the ones you “love”
May you actually find out what love is
May you actually feel love
May you actually understand the sacred meaning of love
And not just throw the word around so carelessly
and may my heart no longer feel the sting
From your lies
Goodbye