“Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions; it is governed by our mental attitude.”
Happiness is a decision; it is not based on what’s going on around us. It’s based solely on what’s going on inside of us. Our happiness is based on the thoughts that we choose to give our attention to; the thoughts that we choose to harbor. Dale Carnegie said, “It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.”
“Poets often describe love as an emotion that we can’t control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense. Thats what it’s like for me. I didn’t plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt that you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me love like that has happened only once, and thats why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I’ll never forget a single moment of it.”—
“I need someone who can deal with me. I need a girl who
will make me see things from a different point of view.
I need a girl who will make me talk about the things
that scare me. I need a girl who will make me open up
to her, a girl who won’t give up on me.”—unknown
I’m sorry for all the text posts lol but the internet isn’t working at my house right now and so I have to do everything with my phone except for the times that I can make it to Caffeine Dreams and remember my computer. I can’t upload anything using my phone and so the only thing I can submit is text.
Today is a gorgeous day. It is so nice out, I went and got breakfast at 11Worth Cafe with my brother Jon, Chelsea, and Sean. It was delicious. Afterwards Chelsea went to work, Sean went to Caffeine Dreams, and I went down to the park in the Old Market with my brother and took pictures of trees and whatever else that I decided to take pictures of. I did take some pictures of Jon and I got some pictures of myself as well. We were having a lot of fun but then when we got back to my car I saw I had a text from Britt and I didn’t hear or feel my phone go off and it had been close to an hour before I saw it and responded. =/ I hope she isn’t mad. Well I will post some pictures now that I have found that I have been wanting to submit but couldn’t lol.
I hope everyone has a lovely Saturday and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! lol
Happy 2 months! <3 I wish you were here, I love you =) I went to the Senses Fail concert with Chelsea & Sean, it was AMAZING. A lot of screaming so my throat feels a little sore & I sound a little funny when I talk. I don’t see any bruises which is surprising because i’m usually all banged up after leaving concerts lol. I think it’s because there was a guy behind me that made a cage like thing around me so I wouldn’t get as hurt, I have no clue who this guy was or why he did that but I am grateful. However, my body hurts everywhere from being thrown around and my throat is really starting to hurt as the day goes on. It doesn’t help that it’s the kids Halloween Party at work today and I have 18 kids in my class and they are not listening. Today is a day from hell I’m telling yo. I can’t wait until 5.
This is from an e-mail that was sent to me from a group I joined on Facebook called Gay Revolution. I do encourage people to join and if you don’t want to join I at least encourage people to check out the page. I have talked about it before but I know I have new followers so here is the link, please take a look. http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/group.php?gid=160407607312532
As for the news of the day here it is:
So here we go. DADT was slapped with an injunction. There is an appeal pending. And since a San Fransico appeals court temporarily froze the injunction ,the military is still granting discharges through DADT. Now try and keep up with this mess, but only if recommended by the secretaries of the Army, Navy and Air Force. So basically still hide in the closet, the injunction currently doesn’t mean squat.
In my own neck of the woods here in Omaha the City Council today voted on legislation that would add LGBT people to the cities protection ordinance that would allow homosexual and transgender residents who believe they have been fired or suffered other workplace discrimination, or have been refused service at a restaurant, hotel or other place that serves the public, to file a complaint with Omaha’s Human Rights and Relations Department. After a 5 hour open session of Bible thumpers and discrimination the council shot down the ordinance on a 3-3 vote. One councilmemeber called gays “lazy”. Another stated that in so many words when he sees more discrimination he will vote to protect gays.
She also added this to the e-mail and this just made me sick. If you think this part is wrong please reblog or copy & paste this portion because something needs to happen to this man for his actions.
An Arkansas SCHOOL BOARD MEMBER, Clint McCance in response to the wearing of purple in support of the gay teenage suicides wrote on his facebook page: “Seriously they want me to wear purple because five queers committed suicide. The only way im wearin it for them is if they all commit suicide. I cant believe the people of this world have gotten this stupid. We are honoring the fact that they sinned and killed therselves because of their sin. REALLY PEOPLE.” Initially, six people “liked” McCance’s message. He also received supportive comments, though some challenged his statement. A commenter wrote, “Because hatred is always right.” That led McCance to write, “No because being a fag doesn’t give you the right to ruin the rest of our lives. If you get easily offended by being called a fag then dont tell anyone you are a fag. Keep that shit to yourself. I dont care how people decide to live their lives. They dont bother me if they keep it to thereselves. It pisses me off though that we make a special purple fag day for them. I like that fags cant procreate. I also enjoy the fact that they often give each other aids and die. If you arent against it, you might as well be for it.” There is now a facebook page to FIRE Clint McCance. You can follow this link to participate. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Fire-Clint-McCance/170421922968484?v=wall
Now, I understand that this is his personal facebook page but as a School Board Member I think you need to be a little more sensitive to matters like this and you should definitely not talk like this where students may follow you.
Hey. I am here for you. I know I haven't been in your situation, but my thoughts are with you. I know you can get through this because you are a strong person. You have had probably one of the roughest lives of anyone I know and you have come out of it an amazing person with a huge heart. You deserve the best, and I'm so happy you found Britt. It's those things, like true love that make everything worth it. Your past is exactly what that is, the PAST. You don't have to be dragged down that way if you don't want to be. It seems like these people didn't really know how to love their foster children, and that is sad, because I think that's what fostering is about. It's about showing kids whose parents didn't want to/couldn't take care of them the love and opportunity they deserve. Anyway, you can do it! You are strong. You are invincible. You are WOMAN.
This is why I love my friends and why I love you! You really made my day when I read this. Thank-you SO much ♥
I think I’m very lucky and blessed to have such wonderful friends and family and an amazing fiance in my life. I want to say thank-you to all those really amazing people for staying by my side and helping me with these stressful times. So thank-you so much for being a part of my life, I am so grateful! I love all of you =)
this was posted on someone’s tumblr and I sesriously think this person needs to find something better to do with their time.
Hello queer girl,
I am annoyed about how self-centred you are. Why do I think so? Well, you are still lesbian! I can understand that being lesbian is exciting for a while, but you have to grow up, you have to face the serious side of life and behave normally. How dare you to pander to your feelings for the same sex?
In several years from now on you will realise that other people of your age have a family, kids and a normal, stable life and you will still be ‘that lesbian’. That would be so awkward, wouldn’t it? Life is not about going for your feelings and fooling around, it’s about doing your duty. And your duty as a woman is to find a man and to have kids. If want to have kids with your gay partner one day: haven’t you considered how you would influence their lifes? In kindergarten, when other children ask you son or daughter: Hey, what job does your daddy have? And the poor kid has to say: I don’t know, I don’t even know who my daddy is!, wouldn’t that be horrible? Your kids would have to deal with that burden, that they have gay parents who were just selfish and went for their ‘cool gay lifestyle’.
Being with a man can be hard, I know. They are disgusting, simple minded and horny all the time. But you have to face that, you have to go through that! What if all the people in this world just go for their feelings, for what makes them happy? The world would turn into chaos! You have no right to ‘simplify’ your life by being gay.
I know what I’m talking about, I have had feelings for the same sex a while ago. These feelings were different to anything I’ve ever felt before. When this person was around me, I felt safe, relaxed, comfortable. I’m not sure if you know that feeling, it’s…you’re totally calm, you don’t feel the need to prove yourself to the other person, you always find something to talk about and, most importantly, there is a sort of ‘basic agreement’ between the two of you what means that you don’t need many words to communicate with the other person, and when there is silence between the two of you, it’s not an awkward silence, it’s a feeling of being understood.
I could have done what you did: just go for my feelings for the same sex. But I didn’t. I cut off contact to this person completely, I even moved to another city and denied all attempts of contacting me. I mean it was hard, in fact I’m still thinking about this person, almost every day since six months, but I bear with it. You just have to do something in order to distract yourself, you know? Then it works. Not every day, but most the days.
And you can do that, too! You have to be strong and I have faith in you that you will succeed! I want you to proclaim (e.g. on your personal tumblr) that being gay was a mistake an that you will live a normal life from now on. If you need help and/or have further questions regarding how to suppress feelings for the same sex, feel free to contact me: firstname.lastname@example.org
This was her response:
If you keep harassing me, anonymously or not, I will report it to the police, I don’t give a shit what country you’re in. What you’re doing is considered cyber-bullying because of my sexual orientation, and I want you to stop. What makes you think I’m going to bow down to you? Who the fuck do you think you are?
I would rather die a slow, painful death than admit being gay is a mistake
This is my response:
Who are you to say what is a normal way to behave? I also don’t see how it is being self-centered to be a lesbian. I also don’t see what is exciting about being a lesbian…and I am a lesbian and I can’t say it’s exciting…is it “exciting” to be straight? Also, several years from now…pretty sure no one will refer to you or anyone who is a lesbian as ‘that lesbian’ and we can have kids and a “normal” stable life as well. Life is about doing what makes you happy. I’m also pretty positive that it’s not a woman’s duty to go out and find a man and have his children. Also, if I want to have children with my partner that is my business and also, if you think about it there are actually a lot of children who don’t know their fathers. I have never known my father and my “mother” was not gay. It hasn’t hindered me in any way and I was never made fun of for not knowing who my dad is. Also, it’s not a “cool gay lifestyle”, for you to say something just shows how narrow minded you are. I also don’t see how it is “simplifying” to be gay because we have a ton of problems we have to face and we have to fight for our rights. What if you had to fight for your rights to be straight? I mean really….think about it…is it really simplifying to be gay? Not at all! I also don’t see how the world would turn to chaos just because people followed what made them happy. I’m sorry that you couldn’t follow your heart and do what makes you happy. I’m sorry that you have denied yourself of true happiness and decided to let society get to you. Just because you couldn’t follow your heart doesn’t give you the right to judge other people for following theirs. Whatever you went through that made you feel like what you were doing was wrong or that you couldn’t follow your heart, I’m sorry that you went through that. But you shouldn’t sit there and criticize other people and try to make them feel bad for them living their lives. I know the feelings you speak of:
"When this person was around me, I felt safe, relaxed, comfortable. I’m not sure if you know that feeling, it’s…you’re totally calm, you don’t feel the need to prove yourself to the other person, you always find something to talk about and, most importantly, there is a sort of ‘basic agreement’ between the two of you what means that you don’t need many words to communicate with the other person, and when there is silence between the two of you, it’s not an awkward silence, it’s a feeling of being understood.”
That’s true love, that’s what I have with my beautiful, wonderful, loving fiance and I will not give up that love for anything. Being gay is not a mistake. I do not find anything wrong with my way of life and it’s people like you who are small-minded and who are scared of change that make things hard for the gay community. This is bullying and what you are doing is wrong. If you have such a huge problem with people being open about their orientation maybe you shouldn’t follow people on tumblr who are. Sitting there and posting anonymously on their page isn’t going to change anything. If anything it just shows that you have nothing better to do in your time then to sit there and harrass people you don’t even know.
There is nothing abnormal about being gay. There is nothing wrong with being gay.
There is something wrong about bullying people because of how they choose to live their life.
I know this is long but this just really bothered me that someone actually said all this. I read it open-mouthed and couldn’t believe my eyes and really wanted to write a response and I couldn’t reblog it so I just copy and pasted it.
I'm sorry, I'm not okay & I just need to let it out.
So, I already posted this….but for some reason it didn’t post to my tumblr but it stayed on the feed??? idk.
My chest feels tight like there is this giant stone laying on top of my chest weighing my down and making it hard to breathe. I can’t stop crying and all I want is to have Britt or my best friend Chelsea to hold me but at the same time I don’t want anyone to see me like this. Chelsea has seen me like this so many times before…but I still feel awkward and bad everytime. I hate feeling like this. Britt can’t hold me because she isn’t here, she is in basic. Chelsea can’t really be here because she is working and I just feel crazy.
I hate how I feel. I hate for letting my old foster parents get inside my head. I hate how they make me feel. I get so conflicted because they are my “family”. I lived with them from the age of 7 until I aged out of the foster care system when I was 18. They are the only family I really know. So, I have the want to be in there life and have them in mine because I just want that family dynamic so much. But they are not very good people for me. They aren’t my real family and they definitely treat their biological children different then us. Us as in all the foster children they had. We were a disgrace, we did everything wrong and their children did nothing wrong. Their son would come home drunk all the time (as a minor) and their daughter would smoke weed in their house and get caught but they would cover it up and no one was allowed to talk about it because it didn’t happen, their children are perfect. Us foster kids did no such thing, if we did anything like that….well we would be grounded for life and threatened to be kicked out of their home and sent to either a group home or another foster home. If we vented to anyone about what was going on in the house we were lying about them and grounded for a couple months (happened to me a lot for supposedly “lying” when all I was doing was telling the truth, but the truth made them look bad and well they couldn’t have that). I can’t even count how many times I had been grounded from my car for 2 to 3 months at a time for talking about my mom yelling at one of the other kids or things they said to me. They even grounded us from church. Who gets grounded from church? Church was my escape from them. But then they are so good at playing nice and making it seem like they are such wonderful people that you forget about all the hell they put you through and will put you through if you are back in their lives. You forget about all the lies they told about you and will continue to do. You start to miss them and you start wanting to be a part of their family dynamic again and you see their love and it’s all you want and then you start to have confliction on what to do. You know what is best for you…to stay far far away…but when you don’t have a family and all you want is to be “normal” and have a family…that need tends to pull stronger. Well, all I have to say is…fuck that!
Everything with my brother is really starting to be overwhelming too. He doesn’t think about anything! I know that is a part of his disability, but right now I can’t handle his erratic behavior and all his inconsistencies. I finally caught a break and got his birth certificate and his photo i.d. so now all we need is his social security card and save up money so that he can get his own place. I love him to death but I just can’t handle his behaviors. He doesn’t think, he just acts. He doesn’t clean up after himself and I already have to deal with that with other people so it just adds to my anxiety.
The distance between Britt and I is getting to me as well. The distance is really hard some days. I’m not going anywhere, I love her with my whole heart and soul and I am so happy and so lucky to be engaged to someone as amazing as her. It’s just moments like this when everything is just too much I wish she was here. I understand she can’t be and I completely support her and I am so proud of everything she is doing but right now I just want to have her hug me and hear her tell me everything will be okay. It’s great though because time seems to be going really fast so hopefully it stays that way. It’s almost been two months. I can’t believe two months has already gone by. At some points it does feel like it’s been a long time…but for the most part it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long at all. I love Britt so much and I am so blessed to have her in my life. Even with the distance she has been here for me and helping me as much as she can.
Right now I’m just going through a real rough spot and I am completely exhausted mentally and emotionally and I have no idea how to handle everything. I am hoping that once everything with my brother gets straightened out everything else will get straightened out. He is the one that kind of brought up this frenzy with my foster parents….he didn’t plan anyhting and just decided to stop by there and didn’t really say anything to me about it and then calls me and expects me to go out there and sit down with my “mom” and look through a tub of photos to get pictures of me when I was little. I don’t know why he decided to go there, it was completely out of the blue. Those people give me horrible panic attacks and so whenever I have to talk to them or be around them (which is VERY rare) I have to plan it out so that I don’t have a full fledge panic attack….unlike tonight because nothing was planned and I didn’t even know he was going there I had a full fledge panic attack and had a complete break down because well with that getting to me just let everything else that has been on my mind just completely crash down on me.
I don’t know what the deal is, I’m just in a weird place today. I don’t know why I feel this way. I had an amazing dream that made me smile…although when I woke-up and realized it was a dream and actually woke-up and realized that it was just a pillow I was kind of bummed. Work went by pretty fast today and the kids were friggin adorable. They kept giving me hugs and kisses. They made my hair “pretty” and “fixed” my back with plastic tools. Plastic tools is also what they used on my hair lol.
I don’t know how to describe it, I just kind of feel out of it. Like I see everything going on around me and I hear what people are saying but it’s as if I’m not here. I don’t know why, I just feel a little disconnected today.
I will be wearing purple tomorrow. I have the day off work so I will be using the day to run errands and finish picking up the house and finish my mountain of clothes that has steadily grown in my room. I am horrible at doing laundry. I love doing laundry but I get so bored with it and I absolutely hate the hanging up and folding and putting away. It could be because I’m severely OCD when it comes to my closet and if I don’t have it in the order that I like well…..it bother me……A LOT. I am also going to try and re-do my closet and see if it will work.
Well I hope everyone has had a pretty good start of the week and I hope everyone has a marvelous Wednesday. =)
I am exhausted today. I feel like I got no sleep last night. I did stay up later than what I wanted but I wanted to finish organizing my room. By the time my bed was cleaned off and everything was put away I could barely keep my eyes open or stand any longer. I didn’t write a very long letter to Britt and so I will have to write another one & try to send it out today because there was more I wanted to say but I was too tired. I actually fell asleep in middle of writing it and I send a letter every morning (except Sundays) and I didn’t want to not send one. Today has been just dragging and my eyes burn, I really do feel like I got absolutely no sleep last night. When I get off work I have to do laundry and there is still more cleaning to do in the house but it’s slowly starting to look spectacular and EVERY room is going to be SPOTLESS…I can’t wait. I hope everyone has a wonderful day.
Hello to all my new followers and thank-you for following me =)
Please don’t be shy and feel free to ask me anything or submit anything.
I hope everyone had a wonderful day. My day has been pretty good. I’m cleaning two different “bedrooms” in my house and it’s not fun at all. One was our pet room that just hasn’t been cleaned since we moved our bunnies out of that room (so it’s kind of gross…and they’re not my bunnies) and the other was our spare bedroom that all of the stuff we didn’t unpack and didn’t have a place for ended up. Well my brother has been staying with us, temporarily, and he went through all of our stuff that we had boxed up and just made a complete mess of that room. It’s horrible, and since he’s going to be gone for the night and won’t be back until around noon tomorrow…tonight my sister and I are cleaning everything and moving all that stuff down to the “pet room” so he can’t go through our stuff and ruin anything else. Even through all that I haven’t been upset or stressed at all. I have felt pretty relaxed today. I am super happy right now because Britt has her phone so I get to talk to her. Well, she’s asleep right now…but I got to hear her beautiful voice for a little bit before she went to bed. I’m taking a break for a little bit and then I will be going back to cleaning.
Have a good night everyone.
♥ Leila Battaglia I love how that looks and sounds hehe
So...I miss my best friend and I really miss my fiance.
My best friend is at least here it’s just with our work schedules we never see eachother. As for Britt she’s not here and all communication is pretty much through letters and since basic is in Oklahoma it takes two days to send anything. I’m not gonna lie, somedays that can be really hard but I love her so much and am proud to say she’s my fiance and I miss her so much and can’t wait for her to come home to me. I love my boo…hehe.
That’s right…this girl =D I have missed them so much and they aren’t crooked this time so YAY! Well, they are as even as they can be but we will tell how it looks when the swelling goes down. My right side hurt though…but it is the 4th time is has been pierced…in the exact same spot, but the right side bled more. So weird.
But I will post a picture once they don’t look gross.